NOAH KIRBY
Jan 16, 2014 9:41:05 GMT 9.5
Post by noah isaac kirby on Jan 16, 2014 9:41:05 GMT 9.5
NOAH KIRBY // 36 // FBI AGENT // STRAIGHT // RESIDENT // CHRISTIAN KANE
Dear diary stupid piece of shit,
Since you're reading this i assume you're one of those paper pushers that made me do this in the first place? I have to say i don't know why i need to write everything about myself here but whatever, you're going to have a fun read if you even do read this. I suppose if you're a paper pusher you'll already know i'm an FBI Agent currently undercover in a gang in Los Angeles, that my birthday is on the fifth of November and i'm currently thirty-six years old. Yeah, don't go laughing your little pants off over there, i may not be a spring chicken any more but chances are i could still kick your ass from here to Timbuktu. 'Cause the chances are you haven't gone to as many self-defence or hand to hand combat classes as i have. But anyway, i'm threatening a random person... that makes no sense...
Anyway! Some little tidbits about me before we get to the whole lay down on this stupid lay down chair and tell you everything part. So i suppose here's some random facts about me. I have a Macaw Parrot who likes to screech everytime i walk through the front door and shit on my computer desk when i let him out to fly. I own a 1967 Chevrolet impala which yeah... awesome! I really hate my job since i started this undercover mission, it's a load of bollocks and although i've managed to make a place with these people i really want a haircut and to actually bust bad guys instead of being one of them and relaying information back to the agency. I have a double dydoe piercing which i got when i was in a particularly bad place in my life, but it works to impress the guys when they hear i have one in the gang.
That's enough random facts, i don't want you to learn everything before we really start now do i? Alright, i hope you're wearing your glasses.
I was born in Sydney, Australia to Lindsey Kirby. My dad was a dead beat trick that she had sex with a couple times in the club that she worked in. Yeah, real classy i know. Either way, i was fatherless for about three years of my life where it was just me and my mum. She tells me i was a good kid, quiet, willing to just sit and stare into space while she was out making money to put bread on the table. I can only imagine that while i was sitting and staring into space i was imagining a whole better life for myself, where my mother wasn't more interested in in stripping off for men and taking them into the back rooms where they could use her. Where i had a brother or a sister who i could play with and maybe beat up a little if we got into a fight. But no, instead i had her for a mother and a rather lame childhood. I did good in school, i was a smart little cookie i would say but then again no one likes to say they were dumb so... yeah. When i was six years old the woman who gave birth to me decided that we would be leaving Australia and moving someone else, it was between the UK and the USA but eventually she decided the US and Las Vegas to be exact, i always figured there would be better opportunities for her to be herself there, as much whoring as she could do while getting a cheap babysitter to look after me.
So there's my young childhood, my mother was awhore bitch shit mother and felt that getting teens to look after me for her whore money would be a brilliant way for me to grow up. So that was probably why i had no interest at girls at all when i was in high school, i rather kept my head down and studied my way through it. Sure i had some friends, Sarah and Joe being the main two who i would hang out with. I spent more time away from home than i did there and the sad part is my mother didn't give a crap, she never phoned me or asked me when i'd be home, shows how much she cared. But anyway, high school. I was a bit of a nerd, all weedy and not very manly at all. It was rather embarrassing so i joined up for the football team and eventually i started getting fitter, being a valuable member of the team. My friends weren't very sporty but they came to every game. They felt more like family than that woman did.
Well hurray i graduated high school, to the point i got a scholarship at a university for playing football. So yeah, awesome! However i also signed for a law bachelors degree. Let's just say uni was a hectic time in my life, i was completely free of my mother and i had a nice steady job as a barista in a coffee shop which helped pay for the law degree. Most of what i remember of then was a lot of parties and a lot of sex with random chicks, it was around that time that i learned that my mother had been killed. She'd picked up the wrong trick and that was it, the latest in a serial murder case. Although the woman wasn't the best i have to say she was my mother, and so i mourned the fact she'd passed, in fact i got rather depressed because that meant i was all alone in the world having never met any grandparents. That was when i got the piercings done, on a rather drunken night and in a shady place. But they turned out well so i can't really complain. In fact i'm far too used to them to take them out and let them heal. It wasn't long after i finished uni that i crashed my car, it was a dinky second hand ford pickup truck and i think i may have been slightly too tired to drive when i crashed into a fucking tree, and don't you laugh! I'll go back to my threats random person reading this! I of course was fine, i only needed a couple stitches to a cut above my eye which i still have the scar from, random fact. Since then i was more careful driving, i didn't want to mess up another car!
Being a twenty-five year old in a dead beat job i figured i would send in an application to the FBI, i thought it would be fun to be rejected by them 'cause i never imagined they would accepted me into their fold. But they did. Wasn't i surprised! It's been a good job, i'll admit. I worked easy, tough and damn right impossible cases! But i fucked up something pretty important, i cost the case without knowing it. This is why they sent me undercover to find out who the leader is and gain as much info as possible on them and how many what ever's i need to do. To be honest, this is bloody punishment and i hate it. I just want to be back home. I've been with the bureau for about a decade, i don't deserve this shit! Sometimes i wonder about myself, but for now i'm rather content to go about my job even if i hate it and have to mingle with the guys i should be handcuffing. It makes it hell on getting in a romantic relationship, the amount of them that find out i'm "in a gang" and go running annoys me. But hey, it's there loss ain't it. That is how i found myself living and working in LA, which is a much better city than the one i grew up in.
Anyway, i think that's all i'm going to write. I have shit to do and people to get info on. Hope you liked this more than i hated writing it.
Since you're reading this i assume you're one of those paper pushers that made me do this in the first place? I have to say i don't know why i need to write everything about myself here but whatever, you're going to have a fun read if you even do read this. I suppose if you're a paper pusher you'll already know i'm an FBI Agent currently undercover in a gang in Los Angeles, that my birthday is on the fifth of November and i'm currently thirty-six years old. Yeah, don't go laughing your little pants off over there, i may not be a spring chicken any more but chances are i could still kick your ass from here to Timbuktu. 'Cause the chances are you haven't gone to as many self-defence or hand to hand combat classes as i have. But anyway, i'm threatening a random person... that makes no sense...
Anyway! Some little tidbits about me before we get to the whole lay down on this stupid lay down chair and tell you everything part. So i suppose here's some random facts about me. I have a Macaw Parrot who likes to screech everytime i walk through the front door and shit on my computer desk when i let him out to fly. I own a 1967 Chevrolet impala which yeah... awesome! I really hate my job since i started this undercover mission, it's a load of bollocks and although i've managed to make a place with these people i really want a haircut and to actually bust bad guys instead of being one of them and relaying information back to the agency. I have a double dydoe piercing which i got when i was in a particularly bad place in my life, but it works to impress the guys when they hear i have one in the gang.
That's enough random facts, i don't want you to learn everything before we really start now do i? Alright, i hope you're wearing your glasses.
I was born in Sydney, Australia to Lindsey Kirby. My dad was a dead beat trick that she had sex with a couple times in the club that she worked in. Yeah, real classy i know. Either way, i was fatherless for about three years of my life where it was just me and my mum. She tells me i was a good kid, quiet, willing to just sit and stare into space while she was out making money to put bread on the table. I can only imagine that while i was sitting and staring into space i was imagining a whole better life for myself, where my mother wasn't more interested in in stripping off for men and taking them into the back rooms where they could use her. Where i had a brother or a sister who i could play with and maybe beat up a little if we got into a fight. But no, instead i had her for a mother and a rather lame childhood. I did good in school, i was a smart little cookie i would say but then again no one likes to say they were dumb so... yeah. When i was six years old the woman who gave birth to me decided that we would be leaving Australia and moving someone else, it was between the UK and the USA but eventually she decided the US and Las Vegas to be exact, i always figured there would be better opportunities for her to be herself there, as much whoring as she could do while getting a cheap babysitter to look after me.
So there's my young childhood, my mother was a
Well hurray i graduated high school, to the point i got a scholarship at a university for playing football. So yeah, awesome! However i also signed for a law bachelors degree. Let's just say uni was a hectic time in my life, i was completely free of my mother and i had a nice steady job as a barista in a coffee shop which helped pay for the law degree. Most of what i remember of then was a lot of parties and a lot of sex with random chicks, it was around that time that i learned that my mother had been killed. She'd picked up the wrong trick and that was it, the latest in a serial murder case. Although the woman wasn't the best i have to say she was my mother, and so i mourned the fact she'd passed, in fact i got rather depressed because that meant i was all alone in the world having never met any grandparents. That was when i got the piercings done, on a rather drunken night and in a shady place. But they turned out well so i can't really complain. In fact i'm far too used to them to take them out and let them heal. It wasn't long after i finished uni that i crashed my car, it was a dinky second hand ford pickup truck and i think i may have been slightly too tired to drive when i crashed into a fucking tree, and don't you laugh! I'll go back to my threats random person reading this! I of course was fine, i only needed a couple stitches to a cut above my eye which i still have the scar from, random fact. Since then i was more careful driving, i didn't want to mess up another car!
Being a twenty-five year old in a dead beat job i figured i would send in an application to the FBI, i thought it would be fun to be rejected by them 'cause i never imagined they would accepted me into their fold. But they did. Wasn't i surprised! It's been a good job, i'll admit. I worked easy, tough and damn right impossible cases! But i fucked up something pretty important, i cost the case without knowing it. This is why they sent me undercover to find out who the leader is and gain as much info as possible on them and how many what ever's i need to do. To be honest, this is bloody punishment and i hate it. I just want to be back home. I've been with the bureau for about a decade, i don't deserve this shit! Sometimes i wonder about myself, but for now i'm rather content to go about my job even if i hate it and have to mingle with the guys i should be handcuffing. It makes it hell on getting in a romantic relationship, the amount of them that find out i'm "in a gang" and go running annoys me. But hey, it's there loss ain't it. That is how i found myself living and working in LA, which is a much better city than the one i grew up in.
Anyway, i think that's all i'm going to write. I have shit to do and people to get info on. Hope you liked this more than i hated writing it.
KIMMEH // 22 // GMT
